An Uncanny Find

I collect X-Men comics. It started when I was young and I liked the tv show. My mom started buying me comics for my birthday and Christmas. I had a picture of Rogue on my bedroom wall. And an old school poster of the whole X-Team. I enjoyed reading them, but I was a kid and I didn't have a lot of money to be spending so while I treasure my collection, I didn't have many a huge amount.

I got back into collecting during high school, but it was never a huge thing.

Fast forward several years. Graduate from college, get a real job, have actual money to spend.



So I've been trying to complete my collections. My biggest goal had been completing the second series, the "adjective-less" X-Men that started in 1991. I had a lot of the early issues and was only missing an issue here and there. I quickly was able to complete that run until X-Men (and New X-Men) became X-Men Legacy.

I moved onto Uncanny where I had more holes and shorter runs. I've been trying to score on ebay for lots of Uncanny X-Men but there are lots of us trying to complete collections and it can be difficult getting what you want for what you want to pay.

My boyfriend collects boyscout patches and often puts ads on Craigslist. He's had a decent about of luck. So a few weeks ago I put an ad on Craigslist for X-Men Comics.

I had a few early bites of people trying to sell me comics at book value. I can buy them off ebay for cheaper than that so I passed. I had others trying to sell me other comics they collected and I wasn't interested in that either.

Time went by.

Then I had a guy e-mail me. He told me he had a ton of stuff and asked if I was interested. I e-mailed him back asking what he had and what he wanted for it. He didn't know what he had, other than it was 2 long boxes of X-Men titles. He wanted $1.50 each or $.50 if I took the whole lot.

I had things going on at work so I didn't respond right away so the guy e-mailed me again. Said he'd sell them to me for $.25 each but I needed to take them all.

I called him up and said I'd come take a look. Honestly, I was a little leary about it because I'm only looking for Uncanny and a few from the second series. On the phone however he sounded dissapointed because he'd contacted a comic shop in town and they'd told him they would only give him $.05 a title, and told me that he might be willing to sell the comics to me for $.10-$.15 each.

I bribed the boyfriend with the promise of dinner to come with me and we went to this guy's house.

As it turns out he cleans out foreclosed houses and stumbled on a HUGE amount of comics. He had 11 long boxes (2 of which were X-Men). He had found them in a home and thought he'd try to sell them instead of throwing them out. It turns out Goodwill didn't really want the comics and the comic book stores didn't want to pay him much for the comics.


I briefly looked through the boxes. It looked promising, but there were a lot of the "other" titles as well.

So I asked the guy- how much?

I snagged the pair for $50. There are about 175 Uncanny, 150 X-Men (2nd Series) aka New X-Men and X-Men Legacy, and tons of others.

I spent the better part of my night sorting through.

The original owner would read them and put them in a box. No bags, no boards, no order.

The guy I bought them from said that Marvel was mixed with DC, Dark Horse, Image... etc, etc...

Sooo many needs have been satisfied from this. I have 10 years of Uncanny X-Men. The run starts at about 320 and goes up to 500. A few issues missing here and there, but not many...

My own rule is not to pay more than $1 for the newer X-Men, and it came down to about $.08 a comic. I think I did pretty well. :)

Where have I been?

I'm a terrible blogger. Oh well.

I've been busy moving and dealing with the old rental company. At the beginning of this month the ceiling started leaking sewer water. I came home one Saturday morning and it was dripping. I cleared out the bathroom and threw all of my towels in the wash because they were very EW.

So I called the emergency pager to let my rental company know what was going on at 11:30. I called at 11:50, 12:30, 12:50, 1:50, 2:50, and finally at 3:50. Nothing. I even went across the hall to ask my neighbor to call in case the rental company had put me on the blacklist and was ignoring me. But they didn't respond to him either.

Finally, at 5:30 I get a call. Turns out the EMERGENCY PAGER wasn't working, so they were "checking messages throughout the day". First- let me say this. If they had been checking messages they would have gotten my message at 11:30 and not waited 6 hours to get back to me.

So I explain the situation and they say they need to call their guy "Ed" and they'll get back to me. I wait. I get a call about 45 minutes later saying Ed doesn't want to come out today to take care of it but he'll be there first thing on Sunday. I calmly explain that sewage water is leaking into my bathroom and I think its an emergency that needs to be addressed right away. They tell me if the ceiling collapses to call them back. Seriously. I'm only an emergency if the ceiling collapses. This is the type of rental company I have.

So I can't stay in my apartment without a bathroom so I went and stayed with the boyfriend. I come back on Sunday and the ceiling is still wet although not dripping, and sewage water is still covering my bathroom. I call and ask when they'll be by to clean up. Nothing. I've called several times, sent lots of e-mails, and still no response.

This rental company is awful. They are slum lords.

They won't respond to me. About anything.

But I've moved and I love the new place! :) More on that later!

Evil Rental Company

A letter to my evil rental company:

Yesterday on my way home from work I received a call from an employee of XXXX named Sarah. Sarah was kind enough to let me know that XXXX was going to be working in my apartment taking care of a maintenance issue and was asked to remove any of my personal belongings that I didn’t want to be bothered or damaged. I was pleasantly surprised that XXXX was notifying me before entering my apartment and giving me an opportunity to move things out of their way. On several previous occasions maintenance has entered without notifying me and they have left a mess.

When I arrived home my bathroom was a disaster. Maintenance had already been there. Many of my personal things had been removed from the shelf that they are stored on and were left on my floor. The floor was covered in grease, dirt and debris. The maintenance men that were in the apartment tracked mud and dirt through my apartment and my rugs.

When I called XXXX’s office and notified them of this issue I was told that the mess had been left because they were coming back. While I understand that XXXX needs to enter the apartment at times to perform maintenance it is unacceptable and inexcusable for your staff to leave a mess for me to come home to. To make matters worse the mess was left in the only bathroom I have. This is the third time that XXXX has entered my apartment and not cleaned up after they completed their maintenance activities. The previous two occasions were July 8, 2008 and once on Aug. 14, 2007. After each of those occasions XXXX was notified of this issue.

I understand that there is a maintenance issue that needs to be taken care of, however, it is frustrating to have to come home from work and clean up someone else’s mess. I do not think that you would allow a contractor into your home to perform work and not make them clean up after they completed their work. Please show me the same courtesy in the future and ensure your maintenance staff cleans up after they have finished their work in my apartment.

I sent this first thing this morning and have recieved no response. Obviously my rental company isn't XXXX.... I'll fill you in once I finally escape. 27 days and counting.

I fully expect to go home today and find they've ripped my bathroom apart and that there's more mud and grease all over the place. Seriously. I'd bet $100 on it.

Wanted to Share...

In my earlier moodiness I neglected to say how EXCITED I am about the new print I ordered from Wall Bank.



I hope it doesn't show up while I'm away at the beach.

I doubt it will.

It'll be going in my bedroom somewhere when I move.

I don't suppose I've mentioned going away to the beach, have I? Well I am. With my mom. I have uber amounts of hotel points from work. So I am cashing in and going to enjoy the beach. The sound of the ocean, the smell of the salt and sand... I leave on Sunday. Yay!

I have mentioned that I'm moving though. Less than 1 month... 28 days to be exact. But who's counting...

And even though it has been quiet at work, I'm getting a lot done. Which is what matters, right?

Rainy Day

Things are lonely in the office today. I work on the third floor of a building with 2 others (used to be 3, but one quit). The past few days have been quiet because the 2 gals I share a space with are on vacation. I didn't think I'd be lonely, after all, we're all busy doing our own work... but I am!

I decided to go out to lunch so I could get some human interaction. There's a grocery store in the Richmond area called Ukrops, and they have a salad bar/hot bar for lunch. I love their fried chicken so I walked in and they were all out. At lunch. At 12:30. Boo.

I got a microwavable pizza instead. I came back to the office and ate my pizza, and remember I'd stashed some pretzels in my desk! Yum! I opened them up and... I had bought the unsalted kind... :( Boo.

Murphy's Law I suppose.

Music

I am a huge music fan (who isn't?) and I really enjoy finding new stuff. I have my favorite bands and songs, but I still like a little variety. Besides, I like trying to fill my 120 GB iPod. Easier said then done, right?

You could feed the addiction by illegally downloading music...but let's say you can't or don't want to do that. Well- I have a couple suggestions for you.

1. If you have similar music tastes to me: Alternative Addiction. Lots of music news about your favorite alternative artists, but they also offer a great deal of free, no strings attached music. The free music is most unsigned bands trying to get their name out there. But just because they're unsigned doesn't mean that the music isn't good. I have found lots (and I mean LOTS) of awesome bands this way. Sometimes you can track down a full CD (sometimes you can't) but you still have some good music. There are also (sometimes) bands/artists you'll recognize. Right now, for example, there's a Chris Cornell track for a free download.

2. Swap a CD. This site is awesome. I've talked about it before, but its worth mentioning again. This site is great for anyone, no matter what you're musical tastes are. You send out CD's and in return you get to request CD's from others.

A few drawbacks-You pay for postage when you send out CD's, but in turn they (the other users) cover the postage on CD's sent to you. Postage (with the new rate hikes) is only $.81 so that's not to bad. Swap a CD also charges you a $.49 fee for each transaction. No one like fees BUT this covers you if the CD gets lost in the mail, gets damaged, or shows up in unusable condition. Really- the $.49 covers your butt in case something happens so you don't lose a CD credit.

SO- a CD from Swap a CD with postage and the fee will cost you $1.30. Where else will you be able to get a CD for that? And there are lost of new and hard to find CD's on Swap a CD too.

The other draw back is time. You can get an awesome selection of CD's from Swap a CD, but you have to wait for them to become available. When I first joined in January I added 100's of CD's to my wish list. Some of those wishes were granted quickly and there are others I'm still waiting on. Not all CD's have a waiting list. I got plenty when I joined that were just waiting for me. More popular CD's have a wait list. For example, I added the Killer's Day & Age to my wish list on 1/25/09 and I am only #12 of 52, but Swap a CD is telling me I'll be #10 in 2 weeks. So I'm getting closer, but I have to wait, and I'm cool with that.

My most recent Swap a CD acquisitions are:

The Matches- Decomposer
Green River Ordinance- Out of My Hands
The Afters- Never Going to be OK
Mike Doughty- Haughty Melodic

And Soul Coughing's Best of, and Spoon's Telephono are on their way to me. So I'm getting good music. It's worth it to me, but if you can't wait for your music or you don't want to pay for it, Swap a CD might not be right for you. It is still cheaper than iTunes.

Too Much Etsy

You know you've been on etsy to much when you start dreaming about it. Granted, it was a good dream, but still.

In the dream there was a mall (a real B&M mall) with all the stores being etsy stores. I had teamed up with another seller and we had opened up our own store in said mall. We were super busy and sold out, and at the end of the day we were named, "Best New Shop". It was a fun dream and then I woke up to go to the gym and my real job. Boo!

Etsy has been going well for me! I've had a lot of really big orders in the past few week or so. Pretty exciting. When I get home in the evenings I'm either making marble magnets, or photographing what I've already made. Do I expect to make tons of money? No. But I is fun, and the extra pocket money (and the excuse to buy fun paper) is nice.

Shameless self promoting:
www.sideproject.etsy.com

I promise, there is very little promoting going on here. I'm really pretty bashful about my shop.

My Sister is Getting Married

My little sister is getting married. I'm happy for her. Her fiancee is a nice enough guy, although he's screwed up a few times. I would not still be dating him, but I'm not my sister and I have more than enough problems with my own boyfriend.

My sister and I are not close. We are very, very different people. Once in awhile we'll go on an afternoon shopping trip, but even then we don't have similar tastes in stores. I like my sister, but she and I are wildly different. We're sisters, but we aren't friends. I have spoken to her twice in the last 3 months. Once when she told me her boyfriend had proposed and told me (not asked) that I was going to be her Maid of Honor. I'm honored she chose me, although a little surprised because, like I said, we aren't friends, and I live 4 hours away.

And the second time my sister has called me was tonight. She found her wedding dress and I'm happy for her. She went looking for a dress with some friends. She's chosen terracotta and latte for brides maid colors. She wants me, as her maid of honor, to be in a different color than the other girls. So I'm in terracotta- orange. I told her I'd much rather be in the latte (a light brown) but she said one of her friends wouldn't look good in orange, so that's why I have to be. Not that I'll look good in orange. :(

I'm feeling a bit petty I suppose. My sister calls to ask me my opinion and when I give it to her she doesn't like it, and tells me I'll be in orange if I like it or not because its HER wedding. That's my sister for you.

I said to my sister, "Why don't we just have all the brides maids in the brown? I'd know I'd rather have brown because I'd like to be able to wear this dress again if I'm going to be paying for it."

She responded, "It's a bride maid dress, you can't wear it again anyway."

Why would you spend so much on a dress that you can't wear again? It seems like such a waste. If I get married, I'll be in white, and the brides maids will be in a black or brown (or something neutral that can be worn again).

But like she said- its HER wedding. It isn't about me.

What a bright ray of sunshine I am today.

I've just felt like crap for the past few weeks.

My own love life is in shambles. I tried to break up with my boyfriend and he talked me out of it, but then he's turned around and been thoughtless all week.

I feel very alone in this world.

There's no one for me to call and talk to- just the world wide web to spill my feelings to. I'm pathetic.

Love & Hate

I have a love/hate relationship with the gym.

I like getting into the gym first thing in the morning. It really sets the tone for the rest of the day. I get on the treadmill and I run until I'm hot, sweaty, and tired BUT the rest of the day I feel like I've accomplished something. It also makes me feel refreshed, tired, but refreshed. Best of all, it makes me feel better about myself.

On the other side of that I hate getting up so early. I spent my teenage and college years staying up all hours of the night and sleeping/napping in the day. It has been hard to get myself up and when the alarm goes off it is just to easy to turn it off.

When I first started working out I did a good job of getting myself out of bed. It was a routine. My alarm went off, and I got up.

Then work got busy. I started having to do some travel and we had some late night events going on. The gym stopped being a routine. And then I had to take time of due to family issues and it just kept getting harder to get up. I was going to bed later and I just couldn't get myself out of bed.

I was on vacation not to long around (and lucky enough I didn't kill anybody) but that was another week when I was out of the gym.

So this week was my time to get back into things. Monday morning the alarm goes off and... I reset it and slept in.

Tuesday I did better- I got up and went but I could only do a mile on the treadmill before I was huffing and puffing. How did I fall out of shape so quickly?! Wednesday the alarm went off... and I slept through it. I was mad at myself all day. Here I was trying to get back to my routine and it wasn't happening. On the way home from work I was able to talk myself going for a run down Monument Ave. It was a nice run and I don't have anything against running outside, I just have trouble pacing myself. Given the option I am a huge slacker. The treadmill keeps going no matter what speed I want to run. When I run outside, I go slower, I take more walking breaks- I don't push myself.

I didn't do awful running outside- I did about 10 blocks before my body demanded a walk. The run back 10 blocks to my apartment wasn't as easy. I bet I only ran every other. On the bright side I'm doing far better than a year ago. A year ago I wouldn't have even been able to run 2 blocks before stopping.

And I had an awesome time (for me) during the Monument 10k.

I was able to get my butt up and out of bed then on Thursday and again today. I also did a lot better on the treadmill. I still only ran a mile, but I ran a fast one and I'm hoping I can get back to my 2 miles a day by Tuesday or Wednesday.

I feel better when I work out. I'm looking better! But the big thing is that I feel better. I'm happier, I'm healthier. So yeah, I hate getting up in the morning, but I love getting into the gym in the morning.

X-Men

I went home last weekend for Mother's Day. It was nice to see my parents- I've been trying to get home as much as I can these last few months. I think my Mom appreciates it. It is a loooong drive, but it also gives me a chance to relax.

While I was home however, I went to see the new X-Men Origins movie with my parents. I really like it, I know a lot of the "hard core" X-Men fans didn't like it because it deviated from the X-Men cannon, but movies are never identical to the original works. Take the movie for what it's worth.

When we got back to the house I decided to pull my old comic collection out. It was fun looking back through things and it really sparked an old obsession. I mostly collected in the 90's so a lot of what I have is the X-Men and not the Uncanny X-Men. I have a pretty solid collection with only a few holes until I get to issue #50 and then it dies off until X-Men became New X-Men. (It was at that point during high school that I was hanging out with a guy who worked in the comic book store).

I've been searching ebay seeing if I could find the comics I need to fill the holes so I can have a complete collection which has been fun. Just searching X-Men will give you the Uncanny, The Amazing, Ultimate X-Men, X-Men the first class, and so on and so on... So trying to find what I want has been a pain.

What I have done is buy the Marvel CD-Rom of 40 Years of X-Men. I got it in the mail this week and I've been making my way through the older X-Men comics and boy are they a little boring. Don't get me wrong- it is fun seeing how X-Men started but the story lines are doing it for me. I'm at issue #12 of the Uncanny Series and its getting better.

I think once I get further into the 60's comics and the 70's that I'll be a little more engaged. Right now I'm saying, WTF is Wolverine? Wolverine, Rogue, and Gambit are my favorite characters.

For those of you who may be interested you can buy 40 Years of X-Men on Amazon.com .

In other news I'll be going to the beach next week. It was supposed to be a chance for me and the boy to talk about things (aka where this relationship is going if anywhere). BUT now it's going to be me, my boyfriend and his mother. Really? The boy sprung this on me just a few days ago... And I want to know what NORMAL guy wants to BRING HIS MOTHER on vacation with his GIRLFRIEND?

His mother doesn't like me either. So this is going to be awful and awkward, but I can't suddenly say-"Hey! I don't want to go to the beach with you because your mother is coming!" That would sound bad and quickly end our relationship.

If you don't hear from me in a week or so I may be in jail for strangling someone. Wish me luck!

Busy Bee

So- I haven't posted lately. Part of that is because I'm lazy. The other part of that is because I'm busy. I know, I know- excuses, excuses !Here's what I've been working on through:


My living room has been an absolute mess for a month. I had a big whole sale order that I've been working on completing for a B&M store here in Richmond. I am ALMOST finished! Yay! But most of the marble magnets and push pin sets have already been delivered. The store is called Keep Good Company on Lakeside, in Richmond, VA. Sara and her hubby run the store and are SUPER nice. Seriously- go check them out.

I still have a few orders coming in via etsy but things have been slow on that front because I've been neglecting it. But I'm back to being busy with my store- I've listed more items and have more that I need to take photos of first. I built this light box but it isn't working out real well for me. Everything comes out with a pink hue and lots of reflections in the glass. I'm getting better at taking pictures (partly due to the etsy forums but I'm still not where I need/want to be).

That's where I've been. I'll be back with something more interesting to talk about soon.

Like how the new X-Men movie was awesome.

Losing it

I'm starting to feel like I'm loosing it! I go to the gym every morning before work (alright not every morning, but most!) but lately I've been forgetting things... and important things!

About 3 weeks ago I showed up to the gym without a towel! I borrowed one from the gym so it wasn't that big of a deal, but really- Who forgets to bring a towel to shower at the gym?

Then last week I showed up to work, did my thing and as I was getting in my car to go to work I realized I'd left my work computer at home. The gym is right across the street from my job, but my apartment is 15-20 minutes away. So I had to drive back into Richmond, pick up my computer, and drive back to work. I ended up being 20 minutes late which I hate! I'm one of those people who is always early so being late is terrible!

Then yesterday I got to the gym, walked into the locker room and realize I'd forgotten a change of clothes!!! I couldn't go to work in the gym clothes so I shortened my work out, and then drove back to my apartment to shower and change.

Who forgets things like this?? I feel like I'm loosing it! I suppose I just have too much on my mind.

Approved!

I was approved for the apartment. Yay! Now I just need to sign the lease and tell my current leasing company that I won't be renewing my current lease before the 30th.

I'm pretty excited about that but I'm also nervous about moving- a new apartment, a new landlord, new neighbors... new problems too, I'm sure. Still, I'll be leaving my evil rental company behind and I don't believe it gets worse then that.

So, I'm a member of Swap a CD (www.swapacd.com) and Paperback Swap (www.paperbackswap.com). I love them both immensely. I joined back in January and I've been trading heavily ever since. I've received 45 cds in that time. You send off your cds and you can request cds from other members in return. Some lists have a wait list but you can create a wish list and when the cd you want become available (or its your turn in line to receive it) you'll have the ability to request it. My wish list is about 200 deep... some of the cds I'm number 1 in line for, others I'm 20. But after 4/5 months I'm nearing the top of many of the lists. The more popular cds move faster.

The big thing I'm hitting right now is that I've sent off TONS of cds and the cds I want in return aren't available yet. So I have lots of extra cd credits, but no cds that I want... I may try finding some older stuff to request, but right now I'm sending lots of cds and not receiving that many. My time will come though...

I did receive a big one off my list that I'm super excited about- A Sucker's Dream by The Alternate Routes. It just came out a few months ago and it only took about 1-2 months for my turn to come up. Pretty exciting (and an awesome cd).

I've also been scouring the local thrift stores for cds. Some days I walk out without anything, other days I'm taking a stack of 10 cds home. This weekend I found Keane, Spoon, White Town, and Weezer (still in the plastic). Someone has already requested the Keane cd so I'll be sending it out soon...

The swap a cd website cost $.49 a cd, but really its nothing for the cost of a cd- even the thrift store is great, depending on the week, the cd will be anywhere for $2-$1. Still pretty awesome.

Despite its limitations, I really recommend Swap a CD if you're the kind of person that like fresh rotations in their iPod.

Moving Up

I was down right frustrated with trying to find an apartment. I had begun to resign myself to living in my current apartment for another year. I had one more apartment to look at and then I was going to call it quits.

And the last apartment went well. It needs a good cleaning... the hardwood floors are in bad shape...and the bathroom is a little scary... BUT...

It has off street parking, heat included, a real closet and kitchen! And it will be the same price as what the rent in my current place will go up to.

So yesterday I filled out the application and during my lunch break went to my current leasing company to have them fill out a land lord referral. They told me, "We don't do that". So I asked for a print out of my account balance so I could at least show the potential landlord that I've always paid my rent in full and on time. They thankfully gave that to me.

So I jaunted up to the potential leasing company's office to turn everything in and told the secretary that my current leasing company wouldn't fill out the form.

The secretary replied, "They do. They don't like it, but they'll do it for us. But I have no doubt that they told you that they don't. " I could have laughed! Even other leasing companies know how bad they are. I even looked them up in the Better Business Bureau and they have an F!!

Oh if I had been smarter when I signed my first lease. I got a copy of what my new lease will look like and it was all very reasonable. I'm having the boyfriend look it over for me to be sure (two sets of eyes are better than one).

So- I turned everything in yesterday and I'm hoping to hear that my application has been approved by tomorrow so I can tell my current leasing company FUCK YOU!

Cross your fingers! :)

Apartments and Moving

The only time that I really really wish I made more money is when it comes time to find an apartment.

I do really well with what I'm paid. I've been able to put money into savings the past few years. I am able to pay all my bills on time and in full. (Aside from those pesky student loans which will take years to pay off- but most people have those.) And yet... when it comes time for me to find an apartment I always end up feeling shitty about my job.

To get a really nice apartment (one that looks good AND has a reasonable landlord) I'd have to pay $100-$150 more than I'm willing to. Which is a problem because I am sick and tired of dealing with my current leasing company.

Some solutions: Get a roommate. If I had a roommate I could live in a nice place for less than what I'm paying now for rent. The problem with this solution is that I don't know anyone I'd want to live with or could live with. And I've tried craigslist (which I love) but I once ended up with a roommate who grew his own supply in the coat closet. I moved out shorty there after.

Another solution: Live in a less desirable place with cheaper rent. I'm small and I'm female so I'm going to have to pass on that.

Final solution: Deal with the current landlord and be glad there is a roof over your head.

I don't like any of them, but I'm getting frustrated by the apartments I'm looking at. I saw 2 on Friday, one looked like it belonged to a hoarder. I don't think trash had been taken out in months and there was a pathway through the shit to the kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. The leasing agent joked that, "There's floor around here somewhere." It looked like it had potential but ALL of the people in the building are college students and I'd be worried that when I have to go to bed at 10 to go to work the next morning they'd just be getting started partying.

Apartment two was a great location (close to where I currently live) but when we went inside... the ceiling was a plywood board. I asked the agent what that was about and got, "Oh, there was some leaking." So I asked, "Is the leaking still a problem?" She replied, "No we replace the roof about 12 months ago."

...SO... 12 months ago you replaced the roof to stop the leaking and the current tenant has had a plywood board ceiling for 12 months? Really? The apartment was nice other than that... central AC, hardwood floors, off street parking... But if a leasing company just lets someone live with a plywood ceiling and then SHOWS the apartment in that condition! It seems crazy to me, but what do I know?

I am going to visit another apartment tomorrow...

I'm going to keep going to look at apartments until I have to let my current leasing company know if I'm going or staying.

If I haven't found anything I suppose I'll be staying... which wouldn't be the end of the world...but I won't be happy with it.

Alone in a Crowded Room

I narrate my life. I can't possibly be the only person who does this.

Anyway- during the day in the back of my head I'm thinking how I would tell this "story" to someone else or my diary. Its weird, right? I think it steams from having written in a diary religiously when I was younger and being used to telling people about your day.

I also think about the way I phrase things in my narration. "What will the listening think about me if I say this? But what if I put it this way?"

The point being I suck as blogging because I can't get it out of my head and onto paper. I also happen to think that I'd be pretty damn funny. Or maybe I just sound that way in the back of my head.

I need to write though. I think its healthy for me. Besides- what are my other options? Telling my boyfriend who may or may not be around much longer about my days and relying on him to help me make decisions? My mother who has her own problems to worry about?

This is depressing me. I need to write, and I need to write for me. I need to be my own listener, my own advocate.

And I've been trying really hard the last few months to do what is right for me. To take care of myself. To look out for my best interests. To not kill annoying coworkers.

I love my job for the most part. But I can't do this all my life- there's too much travel. I need to get my act together and go to grad school.

Am I excited about going back to school? No.

When people go off to undergraduate they go to school for the experience. And some go to grad school for the same reason, but they usually go because they want a job. It isn't about meeting people (although you do and its great) its about getting the skills you need to get that job when you graduate.

Not that I'm saying I wouldn't enjoy grad school, that it wouldn't be fun...but that's not the point (and in reality that shouldn't be what the undergraduate education is for but that's another story).

Maybe I just want to go to grad school because I need a change. Maybe its because I really want to get the training for the right job for me. Maybe I just want to run away from Richmond like I ran away from my parents.

Things get to deep, and you need to cut loose, get out. I always loved the feeling of leaving a job. When you're getting ready to quit and all you can think about it how this isn't my responsibility anymore. I won't have to deal with this soon.

I think that I'm very sad by that I'm holding it all together so well. I feel like I'm a bomb but I'm clipping wires to prevent the explosion.

Unlike some people who drop atomic bombs on my life. Its frustrating when your so worried about Problem A and it turns out Problem B comes down and blows everything you were working on to prevent Problem A from well... becoming a problem.

Its frustrating when everyone around you when friends and co-workers and younger siblings are getting married and your boyfriend won't even talk to you about marriage.

I WISH people would stop asking me when I'm getting engaged. Do you think I won't tell you? Do you think I know?

Like I said, I think I'm sad... and feeling very alone. I want to have a different job. I want to start over with a clean slate. I want to be independent. I want to be able to take care of myself. I wish I didn't need anyone. I wish I didn't have this empty space inside of my chest.

Looking Forward

I've been lazy. I can't help it. I think of all the things I want to write and then... it doesn't happen. I get to busy. This isn't going to change. I'm boring anyway. Here's proof.

I look forward to:

Sunday- The Newspaper (but really it's the ads and coupons I want) and Post Secret
Monday- Getting back into the gym (and it's working! Go me!)
Tuesday- Nothing. Who likes Tuesdays??
Wednesday- Being halfway through the week and Netflix movies.
Thursday- A new Dear Prudence column at Slate.com
Friday-The weekend!
Saturday-Getting a break from the gym and my Netflix movies.

See? Boring.