My Sister is Getting Married

My little sister is getting married. I'm happy for her. Her fiancee is a nice enough guy, although he's screwed up a few times. I would not still be dating him, but I'm not my sister and I have more than enough problems with my own boyfriend.

My sister and I are not close. We are very, very different people. Once in awhile we'll go on an afternoon shopping trip, but even then we don't have similar tastes in stores. I like my sister, but she and I are wildly different. We're sisters, but we aren't friends. I have spoken to her twice in the last 3 months. Once when she told me her boyfriend had proposed and told me (not asked) that I was going to be her Maid of Honor. I'm honored she chose me, although a little surprised because, like I said, we aren't friends, and I live 4 hours away.

And the second time my sister has called me was tonight. She found her wedding dress and I'm happy for her. She went looking for a dress with some friends. She's chosen terracotta and latte for brides maid colors. She wants me, as her maid of honor, to be in a different color than the other girls. So I'm in terracotta- orange. I told her I'd much rather be in the latte (a light brown) but she said one of her friends wouldn't look good in orange, so that's why I have to be. Not that I'll look good in orange. :(

I'm feeling a bit petty I suppose. My sister calls to ask me my opinion and when I give it to her she doesn't like it, and tells me I'll be in orange if I like it or not because its HER wedding. That's my sister for you.

I said to my sister, "Why don't we just have all the brides maids in the brown? I'd know I'd rather have brown because I'd like to be able to wear this dress again if I'm going to be paying for it."

She responded, "It's a bride maid dress, you can't wear it again anyway."

Why would you spend so much on a dress that you can't wear again? It seems like such a waste. If I get married, I'll be in white, and the brides maids will be in a black or brown (or something neutral that can be worn again).

But like she said- its HER wedding. It isn't about me.

What a bright ray of sunshine I am today.

I've just felt like crap for the past few weeks.

My own love life is in shambles. I tried to break up with my boyfriend and he talked me out of it, but then he's turned around and been thoughtless all week.

I feel very alone in this world.

There's no one for me to call and talk to- just the world wide web to spill my feelings to. I'm pathetic.